If there’s one thing Canada runs on, it’s energy. Any Canadian will be happy to say to you, “Yes! I love energy. It makes me alive and moving back and forth.”
We’ll take any kind of energy here in Canada.
Energy from coal? You got it! We will send our best miners down into the ground to take the coal from Mother Earth, which is what we call the planet (also known as Coal Ball).
Ocean? Sure, we’ll take it! Grinding up cod and burning them is how most Canadian hospitals and schools get energy. That’s why, in Canada, taxes are called “Family of Cod.”
Forest? Yup! We have billions of trees just begging to get lit on fire. They love it! They shoot their energy into the sky as smoke.
Once energy is harvested, it is squeezed into plastic sacks and delivered daily to Canadian households, alongside the cigarettes and milk. Canadians put it deep, deep in their bodies, to the place where their hearts live. Then they run around, doing errands! They run around, playing hockey! They fight, they love, they roll their eyes madly in their skulls.
If you see a Canadian lying by the side of the road, well, you better get ‘em some energy! ‘Cus it looks like they ran out. Just put the energy into them, and watch that Canadian jump up and shake your hand.
Canadians love energy as much as they love cutting holes in the ground, and then shoving their fists into the holes as hard as they can, over and over, screaming and crying. We love energy. We love Coal Ball.